Some nights it’s just hard for me to fall asleep. It was nearly 11 PM last night when I found myself tossing and turning, struggling to catch some Z’s. So, naturally I took a little Instagram adventure, and that’s where I came across a beautifully insightful post by @live_elevated that truly resonated with me: “Your ability to feel other people’s pain doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to fix it.” Wow…I really felt that! This simple yet powerful statement has been swirling in my mind, and I just had to write about it and share it with all of you!
Before I get into it let’s chat about empathy for a sec. Because let’s face it, this is all about the weight of empathy, isn’t it? If you have empathy, you have a powerful gift! You are able to connect deeply with others, understand their struggles, and offer your support. But here’s the thing—this gift can also feel like a heavy backpack if we’re not careful. When we empathize too much, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the emotions of those around us, which can lead to emotional fatigue or even burnout.
How do I know that? Because I’ve been there. Well into my thirties I was that person who thought it was her responsibility to solve her friends’ problems. I wasn’t just the shoulder to cry on, I was also the voice of reason, the cheerleader during tough times, the one who offered practical solutions and seeing them through, even if it meant ignoring my own. Eventually I got to a place where I felt so empty and overwhelmed that I had to force myself to stop and take a moment to reflect. When helping hurts, you must stop and check in with yourself — ask if your energy is being depleted or if you’re losing sight of your own well-being.
Having been through that, I can honestly say that I don’t want to carry that burden ever again. It’s quite exhausting. And putting it down is not easy, especially if the people around you have been relying on you for a very long time. If this experience has taught me anything it is: 1) never give too much of myself without taking the necessary time to recharge. In other words, I can’t pour from an empty cup. And 2) Loving someone means allowing them to grow through their own experiences rather than trying to solve their challenges for them.
Now back to the quote. This is where the idea behind it becomes crucial. Just because we can feel someone else’s pain, it doesn’t mean we are obligated to carry it for them. Seriously, give that a moment to sink in! In simpler terms: to maintain your own mental health and well-being, you have to put on some emotional barriers.
It’s totally okay to support your friends without taking on their struggles as your own.
Practice Mindful Empathy
Let’s talk about what I like to call “mindful empathy” or intentional empathy. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others and still maintaining your own healthy emotional space. In essence, you can recognize and relate to what someone else is feeling without taking on their pain or needs as your own. Yes, it is possible to be in a place where you can offer compassion, love, and support without feeling responsible for solving their problems. Practicing mindful empathy helps us build strong connections and creates a supportive environment—all while keeping our own mental health in check and focusing on our own needs.
If you’re someone who struggles with this, I’d like to share with you four ways I practice mindful empathy that I hope can help you start on your own wellness journey as well:
1. Know your limits and understand what you can handle emotionally. If you sense something could potentially become too much for you, it’s perfectly fine to step back before you begin to feel overwhelmed.
2. When supporting your friends, try to communicate openly. Learn to listen and validate. Sometimes just being there to listen is enough; you don’t always have to provide solutions.
3. Recognize that your role isn’t to fix their problems but to walk alongside them. You can offer love, understanding, and encouragement, while also honoring your own emotional health.
4. Finally remind your loved ones that it’s okay for them to navigate their own journeys. We all have to walk our unique path. Encourage them to seek help if needed, whether through talking to another friend or seeking professional guidance.
So let’s remember—we can support others without losing ourselves in the process. Loving someone means allowing them to grow through their own experiences instead of trying to fix everything for them.
Love and Light!
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