Just the other day I was having one of those deep and personal conversations with a friend of mine when the question about ‘what I look for in a good partner’ came up. I admit I had to dig deep into my soul to find an honest answer to give. That answer turned out to be a list of all the qualities I expect my partner to have. I had so much pleasure talking about it that I decided to share my thoughts on this interesting relationship topic with you all.
What I first gave my friend that night was the same general answer I had given to many others in the past: “A good partner is someone who treats me well and makes me feel not just special, but also secure and safe.” As I tried to explain what all of that meant, it started to dawn on me that what makes someone a good partner actually goes far beyond what I initially thought. More than anything else it’s about finding someone who is comparable to me, therefore making him the perfect partner. I know it will be absurd and very naïve of me to believe that such thing as a perfect partner exists; however, I believe there is such thing as an ideal partner, which is darn close to perfect if you ask me.
To me an ideal partner is someone who is fully evolved in ways that reach beyond the surface. By that I mean they don’t just know who they are and what they want, they also exhibit specific attributes that coincide with what I am looking for in a partner. Notice I use the word “specific.” It is because each and every one of us has his/her own preference or definition of how an ideal person actually is.
Before I share my list of some of the qualities I seek in good partner, let’s make one thing clear: there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all partner. Different people want different things from a relationship. So when it comes to choosing the right person, it’s all about what you alone are looking for and whether or not the person you choose to be with can satisfy your wants and needs. Having said that, there are however a few things that are common qualities we probably all look out for before we can decide if the person we are dating is an ideal partner.
The below attributes are not just invaluable to me, they also have a lot riding on them when it comes to what I look for in choosing a good partner.
Emotional Maturity — It’s important that my partner is in touch with who he is and is able to control his emotions no matter the situation.
A best friend — Friendship to me should be at the core of a strong and lasting relationship. Romantic and physical relationships are great; but equally great is having a partner I can easily talk to, laugh with, cry with and even play with.
Integrity and honesty — One cannot exist in the absence of the other. Honesty builds trust between partners and integrity eliminates any discrepancies between words and actions. This goes for all levels of communication – verbal and nonverbal.
Independence and respect — A major factor in building a person’s sense of value is respect. Treating each other with respect and sensitivity even in disagreement is essential. To me an ideal partner also values the other partner’s personal interests and gives them the space they need to pursue some of those interests.
Commitment — Where there’s no loyalty insecurity reigns. I have no doubt being with someone who is committed to me will leave me feeling loved and secure in my relationship. There won’t be any room for suspicion, jealousy, or heartache.
Patience — Nothing worthwhile ever happens quickly. A good partner should be patient enough to allow the other person to meet them where they are. Some people need more time to improve than others. Sometimes a gentle pull is better than a push.
Equality — Feeling at ease to voice my opinions to my partner is of utmost importance no matter who earns more money. Being in a relationship together means treating each other as equal, hence making big and small decisions together.
Ego/Humility — I don’t know one person who would not agree that confidence is attractive. To me so is humility. I find it sexy when someone is successful and yet they are able to remain modest about it. I look for both these qualities in a partner.
Sense of humor — I think relationships are much more enjoyable with someone I can laugh freely and easily with. Just like Carmen Electra I too want someone who can keep me on my toes, have a good sense of humor and a good heart.
Sexual chemistry — Need I say more? … I didn’t think so 😉
Compassion/Empathy — My ideal partner is someone who will take my feelings into consideration or at least try to understanding how I feel even if he can’t relate to my situation.
Vulnerability — This might not be easy to find but my ideal partner will not hide his emotions and will be willing to have open and honest communication. I see vulnerability as a way to connect deeper and grow stronger together. No human being is perfect, so finding someone who isn’t afraid of constructive criticism or feedbacks is important.
These characteristics I listed are specific to me and are part of some of my expectations from an ideal partner. It’s not an inflexible list for anyone to follow. We all know relationships will always have ups and downs. So don’t sweat it if your partner doesn’t have all the desirable attributes listed above. What’s on your personal list is what only matters. At the end of the day it all boils down to finding someone you can truly connect with on all the levels that are equally important to both of you. After all, we may not always know why we fall in love, but we can always have an idea why we stay in love.
Advice to self (and maybe to you too): To attract a good partner you must become a good partner yourself. Strive to be one by putting in the same effort you expect the person to put in for you.
Thanks for reading along. I hope you find this post useful and maybe mind-opening.
Love and Completeness,
/Carli
19 Responses
What a great post! Everything is spot on. I agree 100%. Thank you for writing this. It resonates with me and what’s happening now in my current relationship.
Thank you Carli
Thank you Viola! I appreciate you 💛
Wow just beautifully said my friend .You should write a novel make your voice heard and help other people struggling in this area of life
Aww Marc you’re very kind. All of you (my readers) give me the motivation I need to keep sharing my thoughts. Thank you for that 💛
Love this topic continue the great work.
Thank you dear friend! 💛
Love the info for some of us struggling that’s a layout we can take what we think is good and create our own list and go from there. I can relate and love many pointers from that list. Like you said we all are different and look for and need different things but at the end they all relate one to another. Uhm great stuff.
Great Carli! Love it
Hi Vanessa,
I am happy you find this post relatable. Thank you so much sharing that.
Carli 💛
Great post. Love it…thank you so much to share a part of your nice history …
You’re a great woman, a soldier, gladiator,a dreamer, you inspire me,i feel maturity,honesty,loyalty in every single word you post…
Thank you Rod. My dream is to inspire others. Reading your comment made me feel I am on the right track. It means a lot.💛
I like the way you explain the 12 approaches
your enthusiasm and your ability to define things is the best.
Thank you so much! I’m glad you find this post enjoyable 💛
Ma très chère et talentueuse amie, avec tout le respect que je te dois franchement et honêtement tu arriveras jamais à trouver quelqu’un dans cette présente vie qui réuni toutes ces qualités en même temps mais par contre tu peux trouver un homme ou une femme vu l’intensité de son amour pourrait bien faire l’effort de travailler sur lui-même pour arriver à développer certaines je dis bien certaines de ces qualités sur une période de temps mais pour être réaliste je dirais jamais toutes à la fois. Dans le cas contraire je prefererais lire des bouquains, regarder des films romantiques comme si s’était moi l’acteur principale.
Je ne dis pas qu’il ne faut pas avoir des critères sinon ce serait une plaisanterie mais par contre pas trop exigeant.
Vu La réalité actuelle, les tralalas, les déboires quotidiens, le stresse, les soucis, surtout lorsqu’on est une personne responsable je vois fort difficile qu’on rencontre une personne de tel calibre sur nos routes.
Je respect entièrement tes critères ils sont très rêveurs mais à mon avis je n’essayerais surtout pas de compliquer ma vie avec autant de critères pour trouver une partenaire idéale et même pas parfaite parce que nous savons tous que cela n’existe pas.
Alors:
La partenaire idéale comme tu le mentionnes si bien doit être émotionnellement mature ça ne se discute pas.
Elle doit en quelques sortes partager avec moi le même rêve, le même objectif, sinon au cours de route on se rendra compte qu’on était pas fait l’un pour l’autre.
Elle doit être humble, respectueuse et SPIRITUELLE mais surtout PAS RELIGIEUSE SVP, c’est hors de question. Pour éviter toutes sortes d’attitudes d’aristocrate dans mon couple.
L’essentiel pour moi il faut que cette personne me met dans une condition d’inspiration perpétuelle pour la courtiser sans fin car j’aime ça.
Ensuite les autres qualités on va travailler chacun de notre côté pour arriver à complémenter l’autre en faisant des consséssions.
Après être convaincu de mon intuition masculine que celle-là pourrait faire la route avec moi sur toutes réserves.
Alors je passerai aux étapes suivantes disons que je parle en tant qu’homme et comment un homme serieux devrait agir.
La fille doit voir que tu es prêt à entamer une relation sérieuse par des actions concrètes.
Elle doit se sentir securiser, ou encore confiante. Que tu es un homme mentalement, physiquement, intellectuellement, financièrement, équilibré fier de ce que tu possèdes sans chercher à l’impréssionner malgré on est pas riche.
Cultiver de l’humilité, la sagesse, la compréhension, LE SAVOIR FAIRE.
Faire d’elle ta confidente, ton amie, et ensuite lui Faire des propositions, et l’invite aussi à en faire de même,
Pour moi c’est comme ça on peut poser les bases, la Fondation d’une relation durable. Peut être il pourrait y avoir d’autres méthodes plus simple mais ceci devrait être le preliminarie.
Et après un certain temps de galenterie avec des petites sorties, de cadeaux, des petites habitudes, Maintenant il faut passer à l’action.
Et les défauts, il ne faut surtout pas les oublier ce sont des points très très très important dans le choix d’un ou d’une paetenaire. Cela devrait notre preoccupation première.
A quel degré on peut supporter l’autre dans ces défauts. Parce que nous sommes deux personnes totalement différentes, deux éducations différentes, sorties de deux environments ou milieux différents.
Pour cela je conseillerais tout le monde à vivre pendant une période de temps sur le même toît avec ton ou ta partenaire choisi(e) avant de prendre une decision définitive SANS FAIRE D’ENFANT, sinon on risque de compliquer les choses au cas où ça ne marchera pas.
Comme je te le dis toujours, tout le plaisir serait pour moi de te lire car tu traites d’excellents sujets je dirais même des sujets très pertinents et j’en suis flatter.
Paul,
Tu ne cesses de m’étonner. Comme d’habitude, tes commentaires sont intéressants et éclairent de nouvelles facettes du sujet traité. Je suis surprise que tu crois que la plupart des choses sur ma liste ne sont pas réalistes. En fait, tous les éléments énumérés sont des traits de personnalité de base que la plupart des gens possèdent. La seule raison pour laquelle tu penses qu’ils ne sont pas réalistes, c’est parce que les gens les exhibent rarement. Je suis certaine que la majorité des gens les possedent. Merci encore d’avoir pris le temps de partager tes pensées. J’ai aimé les lire.
Carli 💛
Je ne dis pas qu’ils ne sont pas réalistes, j’ai dit qu’on ne peut pas tous les avoir.
Ma faute alors d’avoir mal compris. Mais je maintiens toujours que ce n’est pas trop demander et la majorité des gens ont ces attributs et même plus 😉
I agree, we all want something different. However, we all do want someone who can aligned with our believes and our want and needs.
Honestly, the things I see men and women seriously want and need from each other, respect love and loyalty. I strongly believe every body wants to be themselves and be happy with the person they are with truly. Since we all different and want different things, the only way we can find a good or ideal partner, is to Compromise. Any person who is in a relationship who compromised already found the ideal partner. Compromising is the key, whoever makes the most money it doesn’t matter and what really matter if everybody knows their roles. The relationship seat and set for Success! “Ideal couples and ideal relationship”
👏🏽 I am in complete agreement with you Rodney; even more with the part about finding someone whose beliefs and wants align with ours. I said the same thing but using different words at the end of my post… “ At the end of the day it all boils down to finding someone you can truly connect with on all the levels that are equally important to both of you.”
Being able to compromise also plays a crucial part in any strong and lasting relationship. 💛
💛💛💛