Do you know what I find to be exhausting? The urge that almost all of us have to measure our self-worth based on what other people think and do. When we seek approval from others or when we constantly compare ourselves to others we are literally saying to ourselves that we aren’t good enough. I am no expert but it seems to me that early in life we somehow convinced ourselves that without other people’s validation we are insufficient. I for one used to think my true worth resided in the kind of friends I have, the things I possess, my job, or even in the way I look; but I couldn’t have been more wrong. As I go through life it has become clear to me that my self-worth can never be measured by external factors, but rather by who I am to myself.
I used to be this short, skinny, flat chested and no-butt-having teenage girl, compared to my friends whose bodies were fully developed. I didn’t think I was ugly, but I never felt I was pretty enough either because boys never paid attention to me like they did my friends. I remember one day I decided to straighten my hair with this old hot comb I found in a box under my grandmother’s bed — clearly in a desperate attempt to look pretty enough to attract boys. I must have been thirteen or fourteen years old. The metal comb was so heavy I kept dropping it. By the time I was done I had burned my scalp in at least 10 different spots, not to mention my ears and forehead. Thinking of it now I probably looked ridiculous back then with my burned hairline (lol). But to me it didn’t matter because my hair was straight and I felt pretty. However, when I stepped foot outside my confidence and self-esteem took a huge blow. As if my clearly visible burns weren’t painful enough, I was laughed at and made fun of by everybody, including the very boys I was trying to impress. Needless to say, this was a pivotal moment in my life. That day I learned whatever I choose to do in life, I must always do it for me first – not to be accepted or liked.
“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~ Maya Angelou
Indeed you don’t have to be perfect, you only need to believe you’re good enough and you have the right to pursue what really matters to you. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone — except maybe to yourself. Of course, there will always be judgment in life. Some people just cannot help themselves. There will always be someone to tell you that you aren’t attractive enough, tall enough, smart enough, good enough, friendly enough, or successful enough. Okay! So what? You only need to live by your own standards and stay true to your values and beliefs (while making sure you’re not hurting anyone else in the process). As long as you believe in your abilities and you accept yourself for who you are, nothing else matters.
…And the beauty in all of this is you can start today! Decide to care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. Give yourself permission to do just that and you will finally experience the inner peace, satisfaction and security that come with accepting yourself for you are. Only then can you be free to live the life you’ve always wanted.
Never forget you are an ever-changing work in progress. You will make mistakes and people will judge you. It’s okay! Try not to consume yourself with trying to win their approval because no one can tell you how much value you have to offer or what your true worth is. That assessment belongs to only one person: YOU. So walk your path with true confidence and don’t expect anyone who hasn’t been in your shoes to understand what your journey is like . You have nothing to prove to anyone.
Love and empowerment,
Carli 🇭🇹
One Response
Oui, oui, oui tu ne sauras si bien dire ma chère, Quoique tu fasses la société te critiquera ceci à n’importe quel niveau.
Sois toi-même, c’est l’essence même du bon développement mental de tout un chacun.
Bon c’est normal lorsqu’on était enfant on était sous influence de tout ce qui nous entoure et c’est comme si nous étions dans une perpétuelle competition avec les autres soit que pour les impréssionner ou pour être meilleure. Tout cela a été conditionée par la société.
Et par contre la vraie competition ce serait d’être bien dans sa peau, d’être soi-même, de s’épanouir à fond, d’être humble mais aussi sans chercher à être meilleure par rapport aux autres mais de preference par rapport à la personne que tu étais hier ou cinq à dix ans de cela.
Tu parlais de ce qui s’était passée lorsque tu étais enfant, c’était pour moi de l’innocence; mais voyons que dirais-tu, même à l’âge adulte on rencontre des gens qui sont rester toujours accros de cette vieille habitude. Ils sont restés esclaves de la société et qui s’oublient complètement, ils vivent rien que pour les autres, pour impressionner l’autre comme tu dis. Ils ont un problème de ” LOW SELF-ESTEEM ”
J’espère que ces personnes lorsqu’elles liront ton article, elles commenceront à prendre conscience et à voir les choses autrement. Car dans tout ce qu’on fait il n’y aura de réussite que lorsqu’on a d’abord confiance en soi et aussi tout en se donnant de la valeur.
Félicitations mon amie, une fois de plus tu as frappé très fort, très belle illustration et je me ferai toujours le plaisir de te lire.