I Ditched Trying To Fit In – Here’s Why You Should Too

I was never someone who could fit in very easily. But I’ve always felt the pressure to fit in because I was afraid I wouldn’t be accepted for the person I truly was. So in an effort to blend in and to feel accepted, I changed myself. I learned to go with the flow and did a lot of things I had no interest in. I even became a social butterfly despite the fact I often felt awkward in most social settings. I spent my teenage years and a good portion of my 20’s living my life as someone else. I was as fake as they come. 

The one good thing I find about trying to fit in is that it forced me out of my comfort zone and taught me how to engage with all kinds of people. Growing up, even with my introverted personality, I had managed to make a lot of friends. But to be honest I didn’t like half of them, and I’m quite sure most of them didn’t like me either. I convinced myself joining their circle was what I needed to feel accepted and to feel like I had a place in this world. I think I was afraid to stand on my own because I didn’t want people to view me as different, weird or awkward. 

All of that changed when I became a mother. I was so engrossed in caring for my newborn child that I forgot all about my desire to fit in. The more time I spent alone with my baby, the less I cared about people’s opinions of me. I was happy just being me and doing me. Being able to think for myself and do what I wanted without any outside influence made me feel good and empowered. To me that meant showing up in my own skin, no longer being afraid to stand out, wearing what I wanted, eating what I liked, doing things I enjoyed, and voicing my opinions on matters I deemed important to me.

Through my own personal experiences, here’s what I learned about ‘trying to fit in’ and why I think trying to belong makes better sense… 

You end up throwing yourself away

When you try too hard to fit in you sometimes lose yourself in the process. To fit in you most likely have to morph into someone or something you’re not so you can be accepted by others. An example of this is when you make yourself do something you have no interest in, like wearing clothes that make you feel silly just because everyone else is wearing them. Or having dinner at an expensive and popular restaurant knowing you don’t like any of the items on their menu. At first you may feel like you belong, but none of it is real. You’re merely blending in. When you try to be like everyone else you get lost in the crowd. Whatever it was that made you special and unique no longer exists. You’re just another grain of sand in the ocean. You become bland and invisible. 

Trying to fit in can be draining 

Always trying to be what you think everyone expects you to be can be exhausting. Not only you have to constantly keep yourself in check so you don’t break character, you also have to make sure the essence of who you truly are stays buried because it doesn’t align with people’s opinion of you. Another negative side of trying to fit in is when you find yourself accepting or doing things that go against your beliefs and moral values. The conflict this creates within yourself can potentially affect your mental health and lower your self-esteem. When you change yourself to adapt to an environment or a world you don’t belong in, you no longer live for yourself; instead you live a life where you put the desires of other people before yours. You will always feel like an outsider no matter how hard you try to fit in. 

You overlook your worth

One of the main reasons people jump through hoops to fit in is because they don’t believe they are enough. They often resort to lying in an effort to influence the way people view them. Naturally we pride ourselves on the things we do because it gives us a sense of importance. What many of us fail to understand is that these things don’t define who we truly are. I once met a very intelligent man who sadly had no true identity. He believed if he wore trendy clothes and drove a luxury car people would believe he had money and social status. The way he acted and bragged about his life got him the attention he craved, but it wasn’t for the right reasons. It was obvious people in his entourage, including his close friends, thought of him as being superficial, a windbag, a wannabe who convinced himself he truly was what he hoped people thought he was. He failed to realize that true worth is never contingent upon what we do, and it isn’t defined by people’s opinions. Au contraire, our worth resides within us and cannot be taken away by anyone. It all comes down to loving the person we are regardless of how others view us. Only when we learn to accept and love ourselves as we are will we become confident enough to take the mask off and live for ourselves. 

My Takeaway

It’s not what people think of you but rather how you view yourself that matters. Constantly comparing yourself to others is not healthy and can keep you from reaching your full potential. Nothing fulfilling can come from going through life trying to be someone else. What’s so great about that? Eventually you’ll realize you wasted your life and talents for people who never really cared about you. Ditch trying to fit in and strive to belong instead… At least that’s what I teach my children. When you associate with people whose values and interests are in alignment with yours, or with people who appreciate your uniqueness and genuinely want to see you happy, you end up forming meaningful relationships. Let go of who you think you should be and be who you are. It’s much more rewarding than being accepted for someone you’re not. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please let me know your thoughts below 🙂

Love and light,

Carli🇭🇹