Why It’s Crucial To Get To Know Yourself Before Dating Anyone

Let’s get a bit candid this time around, shall we? 

I can’t speak for every single man or woman but, as a person who is single, anytime I get together with my girlfriends for drinks or whatnot the conversation normally starts with one of the following: soooo…have you been seeing anyone lately? You’re not getting any younger, when are you gonna settle down? I know this great single guy, can I set you up on a date with him? You’re a smart and attractive woman and you have a good heart, why are you still single? … Oh and my personal favorite from my sister Rachel: “Your standards are too high TiCa. You have to be less picky if you want to find a good man.” At first I used to get annoyed, but overtime I learned to laugh and joke about it before changing the subject to something more interesting. 

I know my sister and my friends love me and they only want what’s best for me. I also know above all they want me to be happy. Well, newsflash ladies: I am not unhappy! Even though I never thought I’d be riding solo at this stage in my life, I must say being single isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Actually, I think I enjoy it very much. 

Don’t get me wrong, I do feel lonely every now and then. Like most people I do want to have that special someone with whom I can have the most loving, exhilarating and rewarding experience; but I can never prioritize that over myself. As eyebrow raising as this may sound, I firmly believe becoming single after being in a longterm relationship—albeit sudden and unexpected—was necessary for my evolvement as an individual and as a woman. Here’s why. 

Being single has put me on this amazing self-discovery path that I feel very blessed to travel. I find when you spend time alone with yourself you become self aware and you’re able to embrace your full identity. You also understand the value of time and effort enough to not waste them on people who cannot appreciate them.  And that, my friend, is part of what they call “growth.” I also find there is an inherent power in knowing who you are, what you want in life, what you want in a relationship, and the qualities you want in a partner. 

In the past I used to date mainly because I thought that was what single people were supposed to do — date until they find someone to settle down with. Although dating can be fun for the most part, I have never been a big fan. Going on dates with total strangers can sometimes be daunting; it can even make some people feel inadequate and uncomfortable…at least that’s my experience with it. Maybe I had a hard time with dating because I was too focused on putting up a good front, for the sole purpose of being liked and wanted, instead of being myself and finding out if the person I was trying to impress was actually right for me. That’s probably why I made many mistakes too. I didn’t know myself well enough to know what I truly wanted. I now understand the importance of being cognizant of the fact that not knowing exactly what I want in a relationship and in a partner is a recipe for misery and failed relationships.

To be clear, knowing yourself doesn’t mean you have your life perfectly planned out. That can never be possible because there are way too many variables at play. In this case it simply means having a deeper relationship with yourself so you are able to set a stronger foundation for all of your interactions and relationships with other people. It’s all about accepting yourself and loving yourself with all your imperfections and shortcomings. When you know how to love yourself you also know how to love and appreciate others. Also…

  • You understand that your very first responsibility is to yourself
  • You gain true confidence
  • You know what makes you happy so you don’t have to rely on someone else for happiness
  • You know your values and what you’re willing to tolerate
  • You start a relationship for the right reasons and not because you don’t want to be alone 
  • You have a clear understanding of the qualities you want in a partner
  • You are able to trust your intuition to know when to stay in a relationship and when to walk away
  • You are able to make better life choices
  • You know what it truly means to love someone other than yourself 
  • You are better prepared and will likely succeed in your next relationship

Love always,

/Carli

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4 Responses

  1. Amazing post… unfortunately, alot of people don’t know what it feels like to date themselves first, in order to know who they really are. Loving you first makes it easier for others to love and value you. ❤️

    1. Amen to that! I agree loving you first does make it easier for other to love and value you 😍

      Carli 🧡

  2. Paul Gardy says:

    je suis entièrement d’accord avec toi, il faut se connaître avant de se lier avec quelqu’un. parce que l’amour est un sentiment sinusoidal, ce qui veut dire c’est sentiment qui ne se manifeste pas en ligne droite. Si tu ne connais pas tes capacités pour augmenter ou diminuer le volume de ta flame, tu te retrouveras un bon matin tomber dans tes propres pièges.
    Moi personnellement je reconnais fortement que tu es quelqu’un de bien, très cultivée, intelligente et mature j’ai dit mature parce que tu as fais pas mal d’expériences déjà, qui ne sont pas forcément des échecs mais des leçons qui te transforment en la personne que tu es actuellement. Oui je suis d’accord il te faut des ojectifs, tout aussi bien un deal breaker, ce qu’on peut qualifier comme des critères pour faire le choix de ton partenaire, mais malgré tout cela il te faudra aussi de la volonté et de la determination, c’est à dire une force, une énergie de plus pour t’aider non seulement à avancer dans tes objectifs mais aussi à garder l’équilibre qui te permettra à une relation durable.

    Mon opinion personelle, pour une talentueuse, ravissante fille comme toi il te faut quelqu’un qui sait COMMUNIQUER, quelqu’un qui peut comprendre aussi ton language, lire tes pensées, tes sentiments avant même que tu ouvres ta bouche. Quelqu’un de très sage, humble, bien éduqué, très productif, c’est à dire qui n’est pas peresseux, qui est un bon père de famille, responsable et enfin qui se respect. Franchement mon amie tu ne peux rêver de mieux. La question est-ce vraiment un type comme ça existe? definitivement oui ma chérie il existe mais n’oublies pas avec tous ses défauts également. Mais ses défauts c’est quoi? voilà maintenant ce qui devrait être tes préaucutions premières avant de choisir un homme, sachant si tu peux oui ou non supporter, accepter ou même vivre avec ses défauts mais non pas pour le changer parce que tu n’accepterais pas qu’il vienne changer tes drôles habitudes. Nul n’est parfait et ça tu le sais mieux que moi.

    1. Allo Paul,

      Je suis tout a fait d’accord avec toi. J’aime beaucoup ta facon d’analyser mes idees.
      J’apprecie tes compliments et ton support aussi 🧡.

      Carli

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